Postcards From The Litterbox

Get me the hell outta here!!!

2006-07-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

So I've been shitting outside the litterbox for like a year. So I found it fun over the last week to piss in the laundry basket, on the pug's bed, and in the obscure corners of various rooms. Do I deserve this?!?

As if being caged and shuttled beyond my comfortable territory was not enough, I was taken to the dreaded vet where I remain right now. They say I'm getting shots, blood tests, urinalysis, and then they're knocking me out to clean my teeth.

There Goes a Few Pounds

2006-07-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

It's summer and that means my mom's husband finds it fun to shave me.

Sure, it's a little cooler and my sole chore of grooming has been nixed off my daily routine but I look hideous! HIDEOUS!!! If a cat doesn't have his looks, what does he have?

The Packing Tape Shed

2006-07-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

My mom thought it'd be a great idea to try and shed me using packing tape.

I'm not a fan as you can see.

Incompetence

2006-04-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture of me and Mama. We get along great. She takes good care of me. Well, she's gone out of town for a week and left me alone with Todd and the pug. IDIOTS!!! How hard is it to keep the food bowl full?!? I whined for a whole day trying to tell him it was empty, but he just nods his head saying, "Oh, you're bored? Oh, you're tired?" No, you frickin' idiot! My frickin' food bowl is empty. Fill it!!! Fill it now!!!

Lazy Day

2006-04-25T22:42:00.000-07:00

I'm a cat. Not much is expected of me. I don't work for my food, I don't have to hold a steady job, etc. I'm expected to look cute, cuddle and accept scratches on my own terms, and use the litter box (or at least the room it's located in) to do "my business".

Well, some days I don't feel like leaving my bed. But I get thirsty. I'm not about to drag myself to the other room to get some water out of that stinky bowl the pug uses when Dad's got a glass of Arrowhead a foot away. What's he gonna do?

Staunch Nudist

2006-04-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

This is an insult to both my masculinity as well as my autonomy. My acceptance in the feline community has been called into question because of this. I don't spend hours grooming every day only to have my flawless fur covered by this fruity thing! I'm not the pug!!!

Check out what the pug taught me

2006-04-06T23:39:00.000-07:00

Ever since that "fateful day" at the vets when I was but a kitten, I've never felt the urge. But Francois said that's irrelevant and that it's all about the cure to boredom.

My Parents Are Idiots

2006-04-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

Humans are way to dependent on their vocal cords. How hard is it to understand that my back needs scratching? I can't say it much clearer. I may as well be talking to a wall.

Litter Mirage

2006-03-23T16:34:00.000-08:00

Kitty litter?!? We don't need not stinkin' kitty litter!!! Seriously, it's all in my head.

Bon-Bons

2006-02-10T00:03:00.000-08:00

For my brother's recent birthday, I gave him his favorite treat. I don't be burying it or nothing. That's love.

Tug-O-War

2006-01-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

When Jasper was alive, we used to play rough. Now that Jasper's gone, I've been forced to play with Francois. This just simply is not fun. All he wants to do is play tug-o-war with me. And lacking a proportionally strong jaw, I'm forced to use my body.

The Parents Return

2006-01-03T11:59:00.000-08:00

10 days alone in this house. 10 DAYS!!! They think they can just return after 10 days and think everything's back to normal? I shall have my revenge. Unfortunately, in the mean time, it's been cold and I've been forced to seek their laps for warmth.

S.O.S.

2005-12-25T22:09:00.000-08:00

Help me!!! Everyone took off a few days ago. Some strangers come in, clean my litter box, feed me and leave. They once hung out and watched TV for a couple hours but otherwise it's been quiet. I think I've been abandoned!

Misappropriation

2005-11-28T21:20:00.000-08:00

So it appears that my parents sent in a picture of me to the people who make Swheat Scoop Kitty Litter. I am yet to receive a royalty check.

Happy Birthday to Me

2005-11-11T21:16:00.000-08:00

Today I turned 35 (5 in human years) and my parents said they were going to send me on a trip where it is cold for my birthday. I had my heart set on an Alaskan Cruise.

The Artist Within

2005-11-06T13:42:00.000-08:00

Some people just think of doing their "business" as a necessity, but I think of it more as a way of conveying self-expression. The litterbox is my canvas and my behind is thy brush.

So Long Big Bro

2005-11-02T17:38:00.000-08:00

My parents took away my brother Jasper last night. He was very sick. They said he's not coming home. He always watched over me. I will miss him.

I may be on my last leg

2005-11-01T21:01:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody. I've been feeling really lousy lately. I've lost about 5 lbs., stopped eating, and I don't have any energy. My parents took me to the vet today and he didn't have good things to say. I'm staying at the vets tonight and they're going to run some tests. Wish me luck!

Practice Makes Purrfect

2005-10-24T22:51:00.000-07:00

I've been working on my lion roar, but I seem to be lacking the requisite bass.

Take that sucka!

2005-10-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

There's nothing I love more than finding out what Todd likes, and then destroying it. For instance, I've found he values stamps and address labels. Here I am pulling out a roll of address stamps and eating them. Sucker can't stop me either. I just run to Mama.

My Secret Stash

2005-10-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

A few months back, someone put some catnip (kitty crack) in the cat scratcher. I've been mad stoned ever since.

Special Delivery

2005-10-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

With Mama out of town, I know who's duty it is to clean up my dooty. Sure, I could just poop inside the litterbox, but then I'd miss watching Todd cringe at the sight. That sucker better clean it up quick too or I'll start leaving "presents" in his bed.

I believe in taking care of myself

2005-10-07T23:27:00.000-07:00

A healthy diet of cat food and filtered running water, plenty of sleep, and of course, I'm WAY into grooming. Gotta always be looking your best, you know. I don't be neglectin' any areas either. I'm all that and a pouch of pounces!

Mutha #%@*!

2005-10-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

Todd will pay a price this. I'll step on his "jewels" while he sleeps.

What's Up Sexy?

2005-09-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

That's right. I'm sixteen pounds of hot and heavy smooth kitty cat action baby!

Unwitting Accomplice

2005-09-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Todd is onto me, but I have Mom eating out of my hands. Every time he tries telling her that I want him dead, she won't listen. Further, she tells him that I am a sweet old cat. Word she won't regret until it's too late.

Taking One for the Team

2005-09-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

A shower burns like the power of 10 suns! By the time I figured out what was going down, it was too late for me. I yelled to Kilborn, "Get out while you still can!"

Setting the Trap

2005-09-18T13:05:00.000-07:00

The dearth of my feline physique will neither cripple my ingenuity nor my resolve. My stronger and larger father, who holds the key to my sustenance, will pay dearly for divesting me of my manhood and my front claws. By dumb luck, he has thus far escaped my clutches. And though my lifespan advances at a rate seven-fold of his, it is I who am the most patient. His time will come.

I'm one sexy pussy

2005-09-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

When I'm not sleepin', I'm modeling cause I'm hot and I know it. Fat's the new thin you know.

Test

2005-09-15T23:24:00.000-07:00

Purr 1-2-3. Purr

Test

2005-09-15T23:21:00.000-07:00

Meow 1-2-3. Meow!